(12/15 )
On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
A gallon tub of vanilla ice cream.

On the second day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
Two candy canes,
And gallon tub of vanilla ice cream.

On the third day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
Three roast ducks,
Two candy canes,
And gallon tub of vanilla ice cream.

On the fourth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
Four honey baked hams,
Three roast ducks,
Two candy canes,
And gallon tub of vanilla ice cream

On the fifth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
Five apple pies,
Four honey baked hams,
Three roast ducks,
Two candy canes,
And gallon tub of vanilla ice cream.

On the sixth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
Six Swedish meatballs,
Five apple pies,,
Four honey baked hams,
Three roast ducks,
Two candy canes,
And gallon tub of vanilla ice cream

On the seventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
Seven extra helpings,
Six Swedish meatballs,
Five apple pies,,
Four honey baked hams,
Three roast ducks,
Two candy canes,
And gallon tub of vanilla ice cream

On the eighth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
Eight chocolate Santas,
Seven extra helpings,
Six Swedish meatballs,
Five apple pies,
Four honey baked hams,
Three roast ducks,
Two candy canes,
And gallon tub of vanilla ice cream

On the ninth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
Nine quarts of gravy,
Eight chocolate Santas,
Seven extra helpings,
Six Swedish meatballs,
Five apple pies,
Four honey baked hams,
Three roast ducks,
Two candy canes,
And gallon tub of vanilla ice cream

On the tenth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
Ten mugs of eggnog,
Nine quarts of gravy,
Eight chocolate Santas,
Seven extra helpings,
Six Swedish meatballs,
Five apple pies,
Four honey baked hams
Three roast ducks,
Two candy canes,
Andgallon tub of vanilla ice cream

On the eleventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
Eleven bowls of pudding,
Ten mugs of eggnog,
Nine quarts of gravy,
Eight chocolate Santas,
Seven extra helpings,
Six Swedish meatballs,
Five apple pies,
Four honey baked hams,
Three roast ducks,
Two candy canes,
And agallon tub of vanilla ice cream

(12/26)
On the twelfth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
Twelve Alka-Seltzers,
Eleven liposuctions,
Ten ExerCycles,
Nine angioplasties,
Eight weeks at fat farms,
Seven stomach-staplings,
Six workout programs,
Five Diet Cokes,
Four weight-loss drugs,
Three Stairmasters,
Two jogging shoes,
And a body-mass analysis for free.

PLEASE NOTE: I did go work out on 12/26 and Ms. Stefani was firm but fair and did not kill me with my killer hangover.  Dr. Sheldon Bethea was nice enough to work a little Chiro-magic on my back.  Talk to ya’ll next week.  Against my better judgement I am going to weigh myself next Monday. Tune in for the young, restless, and PHAT (Pretty Hot and Tempting). 

Love ya!

Kia